elephant andy brunner

Life Lessons Learned From… Kicking the Elephant Out of the Room

Death. Illness. Divorce. Job loss. We will all inevitably encounter hard times through devastating losses in our lives. It is through how we deal with our grief and eventually rebuild from tragedy that we discover the full capabilities of the human spirit. Someone who has known this well over the past two years is Sheryl Sandberg.

In Sandberg’s latest book, Option B, the Lean In Foundation founder and Chief Operating Officer of Facebook draws from the experience of her late husband’s death to open up the discussion around building resilience in the face of adversity. The concept of post-traumatic growth and finding greater strength and deeper meaning in the wake of crushing blows resonates with me. In particular, I found the chapter on kicking out “the elephant in the room” to be most profound. During a loved one’s time of bereavement, we tend to avoid discussions on loss and grief, which, will well-intentioned, can actually have the opposite effect of providing comfort during tough times. This is a hard truth we need to rectify.

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The Real And Honest Truth

I accepted an Instagram challenge (started by Nicole Mehl and Annie Cline of Beauty in the Light) from my big sis, Tania Hussain, to tell the #realandhonesttruth. Throughout the course of three days, I revealed three things about myself that I usually keep concealed. On our social media channels, we tend to post only the good, the happy, and the pretty sides of our lives, and filter out the bad, the sad, and the downright ugly. But in doing so, we are not presenting our full and authentic selves. As Brene Brown asserts in her works, embracing and implementing a balance with the positives, the negatives, and the grey areas is the key to living wholeheartedly, and when we share our stories of harsh reality, we are able to better relate to and find compassionate connection with others. Through vulnerability, we can be stronger and be united, and ultimately make our day-to-day lives so much more bearable and worthwhile.

Here are my three stories of beauty, family, and death (and if you’d like to do this challenge too, join in).

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Life Lessons Learned From… August 2014

August kicked my ass.

The entire month was ridden with death, suffering, anxiety, and pretty much every terrible situation and miserable sensation imaginable. Between saying goodbye to someone who I really cared about and watching the one person who means the most to me face even more health challenges, my heart was broken and my spirit was shattered. The news stories this month were just as depressing, what with racial tensions in Ferguson, Missouri and the death of actor Robin Williams. In these trying times, my faith in life was put to the ultimate test. I wondered, why should I have hope for a world, let alone trust in a higher power, when good, innocent souls, including the people I love, are put through the ringer of pain, or are taken away forever? How am I expected to hold on while being ambushed with awfulness all around? What is it about life that makes the sadness, the anger, worth it?

People.

I was saved by people. If it wasn’t for my support system, I would have been consumed by my grief and my fears. My friends were there to lend an open ear, impart words of encouragement, provide the smiles and laughs to lighten things up, and offer to do anything they can to help alleviate the situation. When it comes to shared grief, it’s amazing how people who are hurting collectively come together to give each other love and strength, reminding us all that we never have to experience these worst moments alone. The gratitude I feel towards these phenomenal people is overwhelming.

What did I learn from August 2014?

We may not have control over the bad that comes our way in life, but we can control how we go through the dark days. We are strong on our own, but stronger together, and strongest when we take care of each other, stand together, and fight back together, as one.

See you soon, September. I’ll be coming up swinging.

Image by Leon Biss.